Twenty Things about Enami Renji and Okita Tomoya
by Tabi
Summary: Yaoi. EnamixTomoya. Written for the now-defunct seirei 20things. When feelings never seem to change, perhaps they were just meant to be. Somehow.


~_Twenty Things about Enami Renji and Okita Tomoya_~

~**01**~

At the start, in an attempt to break through that moody facade and make some kind of contact through shared interest, Enami had asked Tomoya if he liked music; Tomoya had gone on the defensive, '_not really_'.

Later, Enami had found Tomoya in the music room storecupboard amongst the xylophones, crying over the piano piece he'd been performing to the otherwise empty room. Tomoya wouldn't admit to being moved by the music but when Enami asked if Tomoya would like to hear him play again sometime, he quietly said that he would like that, yes.

~**02**~

Tomoya spent a lot of time at the Live House; Enami would smile and joke that Tomoya couldn't stay away from him. Tomoya would bristle and say that he was only there waiting for his friend to be finished with rehearsals, but could be found waiting outside for Enami long after the members of Synchro had packed up and gone home. Tomoya would bolt the moment Enami appeared, but his action was always too late for Enami not to notice.

~**03**~

That first time in Megumi's office, Tomoya had been unstable and unhinged, possessed by his demons and working on hasty impulse he'd come to later regret.

Enami never told Tomoya how terrifyingly intense that time had felt and would never admit to all the time he spent wondering if it would ever be possible to safely induce another similar episode. Tomoya struggled enough with his temper and his moodswings, Enami didn't feel he'd come off lightly if the boy knew of his private thoughts.

Perhaps that was all the more reason to make a suggestion.

~**04**~

The girls in Enami's classes would blush as they fantasized over the wonderful cool Enami-sensei's smile being only for their sake.

Tomoya was smug in the knowledge that, for him, that was no fantasy.

~**05**~

Enami had felt pleased when Tomoya finally made the willing decision to get help and to accept Megumi's offers of counselling, but disliked his one lesson a week with Tomoya being cut short for this reason.

Sometimes, Enami thought Megumi had scheduled it like that on purpose.

~**06**~

Tomoya grew to resent Megumi for all the time she spent with Enami, the shared events forming a locked past that he could never hope to access.

Megumi resented Tomoya for much the same reason.

~**07**~

After everything Tomoya had been through, Enami felt it a huge step forward to see the boy take a place on the prestigious Student Council in his third year.

It took Enami less than a month to realise that, in fact, Tomoya had ended up precisely where he'd first started.

~**08**~

Tomoya would listen to music to block out the sound of the thunder, unless he was in Enami's bedroom. You couldn't fuck a phobia away but it provided a nice distraction.

~**09**~

"_He's just a kid, he doesn't know what he's doing!_"

Megumi would often defend her position against Enami and Tomoya's relationship with that phrase.

When Tomoya had Enami pinned to the bed with a smirk and a touch practised and honed down to wicked perfection, Enami couldn't help but feel that Tomoya knew _exactly_ what he was doing.

~**10**~

When things had been new and exciting between them, Enami had promised to take Tomoya away from it all someday. Perhaps they'd run away together in the middle of the school year, nobody to know of their whereabouts and their own concerns far away. Perhaps at the end of the third year they'd go travelling together - university could wait until Tomoya wished to settle down but every time he looked at Enami, the excitement of change and activity was too seductive.

At the end of Tomoya's third year, Enami left for England without a word of his departure to anybody but Megumi. Tomoya couldn't help but feel betrayed by this unexpected and solitary bid for freedom.

~**11**~

After those events in Tomoya's third year, Enami couldn't bring himself to set foot in the Student Council building - even years later he would only stand on the path outside and look up at the silent foreboding structure, feeling the call of a demon memory from beyond its doors. If he had a message he had to relay for the council, he'd send one of his homeroom students on an errand.

Throughout the years, the Seirei Student Council never changed. No matter the elected individuals, some things were simply tradition in that school. Enami never found out what he was subjecting the otherwise-cheerful Aihara-kun to.

~**12**~

Megumi would roll her eyes, "_There's one in every year for you, isn't there? Don't you think, Renji?_"

That wasn't strictly true, though Enami never argued. He had his reasons and often thought his feelings at least basically built on a foundation of nobility, but he never found those subsequent years exactly _satisfying_. There was an endless space between the concept of wanting something and needing something and each time seemed just a little more disgusting and unforgivable for not being with Tomoya.

~**13**~

After they met at the Convenience Store that time, Tomoya invited Enami back to his apartment for a coffee, to catch up with things. The surprise of encountering him randomly after what seemed like so long - it _had_ been so long, almost six years (surely not) - was something of a numb shock and Enami didn't know _how_ to react. Neither did Tomoya and that distant look in his eyes coupled with that distrustful tone in his voice took Enami back far too sharply to a time some nine years before that current point.

Tomoya was practically a stranger to him now, but it didn't hurt to share coffee and an afternoon with one another. They glossed over many things while saying very little of actual worth. Tomoya mentioned that he was still receiving therapy and counselling and was '_on a little medication_' for that.

When in the bathroom later, Enami noticed Tomoya's medicine cabinet and wondered just how much of that was his fault.

~**14**~

Knowing that he was walking on eggshells and painfully aware that Tomoya wasn't the wayward teenager he'd once been, Enami had kept his interaction as neutral as possible. Tomoya spoke nothing on the subject but Enami knew he'd already done enough damage - it was enough to know that Tomoya was as well-adjusted as was possible and was now leading his own life, independent and successful. Still, as the scent of coffee lingered in the air between them and Enami hovered by the front door, he'd said for Tomoya to come over '_if you ever feel you need me_', never expecting that offer to be seriously accepted.

It took until the first and worst thunderstorm they had that year for Tomoya to show up on Enami's doorstep.

~**15**~

Enami found himself watching the weather reports, hoping that there'd be another storm along soon.

~**16**~

When Tomoya announced that he was dating Takumu, Enami hated it. More than the obvious, he hated how his fantasies for weeks after were only of what it'd be like to have them both at once.

~**17**~

In her more irate moments, Megumi had accused Enami of being a paedophile. He'd argued that his adoration of Tomoya transcended insignificant things like age and physical appearance, but as time and experience filled out Tomoya's body Enami _would_ find himself missing the gangly awkward thing Tomoya had been as a second-year student at Seirei.

~**18**~

Tomoya held jobs between the Convenience Store and the Game Centre and had eventually replenished his academic qualifications after the trauma experienced at the end of his third year. He had his own friends, his own apartment, his own life. He had definitely grown up, perhaps even to degrees that Megumi would be proud of. He thought about things and made informed decisions, spoke sensible words that Enami knew he couldn't ignore.

The pull of independence was an irresistible one and something that Tomoya had fought hard to achieve and hold, but... Enami kept his apartment clean, still holding out on the hope that Tomoya would perhaps wish to move in with him someday.

For this reason, between Tomoya and Shin, Megumi never bothered asking.

~**19**~

It was too easy to fall back into bad habits and they settled into the familiar feeling they'd established for themselves years previous before either of them could really notice or help it. Enami liked Tomoya coming over but felt concern at his traversing half the city to visit - those could be dangerous areas once night fell and knowing what he did of the city nightlife and Tomoya's past sins, Enami simply wouldn't allow Tomoya to walk home alone after sunset.

All the more reason to keep Tomoya indoors until he could be safely driven back to his apartment, whenever he eventually wished to return. The next day or the next week, Enami treasured any length of time Tomoya chose to spend alongside him.

~**20**~

As time passed and things started to settle down at last, Enami thought he knew what it was that he wanted and thought he knew what it was that Tomoya wanted also. Their needs weren't so different. Tomoya's desires had changed since their days at Seirei but desire was still desire and all the willpower in the world couldn't prevent the intense emotion that grew and festered beneath his seemingly-calm surface.

The argument went from '_You won't fuck me because I'm not Nishimura_' to a dinner out to diffuse Tomoya's anger to Enami knelt against a tree in the park being fucked into incoherence by the boy twelve years his junior.

Enami wasn't sure he knew what either of them wanted after that.

~_fin_~


End file.
